Pilot QuotesThis is a featured page

The Mentalist Quote: (Trying to get pills)
Patrick Jane: I was hoping to get something now; I'm trying to avoid the chit chat.
Dr. Linus Wagner: I'm sorry, I wouldn't feel comfortable prescribing without some sort of chit chat.
The Mentalist Quote:
Mr. Tolliver: Who are you?
Patrick Jane: I'm the police, did you kill your daughter?
The Mentalist Quote:
(Accusing a father of a murdering his daughter)
Patrick Jane: An innocent man would've punched me by now.
The Mentalist Quote:
(Agent Lisbon walks in just after a wife shoots her husband for murdering their daughter while Patrick was alone with them)
Patrick Jane: Honestly, it's not as bad as it looks.
The Mentalist Quote:
(To Price Randolph about his brother, Tag)
Cho: Whenever you weren't around, he was banging your wife like a big bass drum.
The Mentalist Quote:
(to overeager investigator)
Patrick Jane: You know what your problem is, my friend? You enjoy your work a little too much. You're a ghoul. If you don't get horny reading Fangoria, I'm Britney Spears!
Brett Partridge: I resent that!
Teresa Lisbon: This is you trying to redeem yourself, is it?
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry. He irks me. He's irksome. (he walks away) You don't need me here.
The Mentalist Quote:
(Patrick moves a straw across the table without touching it)
Grace Van Pelt: How do you do that?
Patrick Jane: Telekinesis.
Kimball Cho: He blew on it.
Patrick Jane: That is another way to do it
The Mentalist Quote:
(after surveying the crime scene)
Patrick Jane: This isn't Red John. Red John thinks of himself as a showman, an artist. He has a strong sense of theater. In all of the previous killings, he made sure that the first thing that anyone sees is the face on the wall. You see the face first and you know. You know what's happened and you feel dread. Then, and only then, do you see the body of the victim...
The Mentalist Quote:
Mrs. Tolliver: I don't understand. You're psychic?
Patrick Jane: No, just paying attention. I used to make a good living pretending to be a psychic. I tell you this because I want you to understand there's no point hiding things from me.
The Mentalist Quote:
(after making himself at home at the victim's house)
Patrick Jane: Hello Mrs. Tolliver?
Mrs. Tolliver: Who are you?
Patrick Jane: I'm Patrick Jane. I'm here to help you.
The Mentalist Quote:
(after a session)
Dr. Linus Wagner: Everything you told me is total fiction, isn't it?.
Patrick Jane: Yes.
Dr. Linus Wagner: Why? I can tell you're in real pain. Why not tell the truth?
Patrick Jane: The truth is mine.
Dr. Linus Wagner: I hear ya.
The Mentalist Quote:
(Patrick Jane discusses Red John on a television show and returns home that evening, five years ago, and finds a note)
Red John's Note: Dear mister Jane, I do not like to be slandered in the media, especially by a dirty money-grubbing fraud. If you were a real psychic, instead of a dishonest little worm, you wouldn't need to open the door to see what I've done to your lovely wife and child.
(Patrick opens the door to find a red smiling face and, unseen, his dead wife and child)
The Mentalist Quote:
Grace Van Pelt: Mr. Jane, I have a question regarding your previous career path.
Patrick Jane: Fire away.
Grace Van Pelt: When you met with other psychics, real psychics, could they tell you were just pretending?
Patrick Jane: There's no such thing as real psychics.
Grace Van Pelt: I beg to differ. My cousin Yolanda is a psychic.
Patrick Jane: Your cousin is deluded or dishonest or both.
Wayne Rigsby: Hey, steady.
Grace Van Pelt: No, no, he's entitled to his opinion. He's wrong, though. She has power. She can communicate with the other side. I've seen her do it myself.
Patrick Jane: She let you speak with someone that's gone, someone that you love and still miss very much. You wanted her power to be real so it was.
Wayne Rigsby: You're so sure you're right. Science don't know everything.
Grace Van Pelt: Five hundred years ago, radio would have seemed like magic. Five hundred years in the future, it could be totally normal to communicate with the other side.
Patrick Jane: The other side? Your father's a football coach, yeah?
Grace: How did you know that?
Patrick: It's obvious from your whole demeanour. My point is, didn't dad always say life is like football? When that final whistle blows, the game is over, done. There is no more. There is no other side. This is it. Lobster and breadrolls and nautical kitch and then nothingness.
Grace: You poor, sad man. The kingdom of God is a real place.
Patrick: Okay. Later tonight when Rigsby asks you to come back to his hotel room (Rigsby chokes), say yes.
Grace: Excuse me?
Patrick: I know. You were planning on refusing him. First week on the job, no monkey business. But why not? Rigsby is an excellent lover, I'm sure. Tough, but fair. Right? (Rigsby is looking very annoyed.) Right.
Grace: The kingdom of God is a real place Mr Jane. And you have an immortal soul.
Patrick: Oh, I do so hope you're wrong.
The Mentalist Quote:
(Reading note slid under Patrick's hotel room door)
Grace Van Pelt: Greetings old friend, it's been a while. I hope you are keeping well. I am thriving and happy. I have 12 wives now and will soon begin courting number 13. Why can't you catch me? You must feel so powerless and stupid and sad. Oh well. All the best. Red John.
The Mentalist Quote:
(After sending Patrick away, Teresa looks at her cell phone, clearly having an internal conflict with herself. After a few seconds, she picks up the phone and dials Patrick’s number.)
Teresa: Hi. So, you might be right about this case, might be. Thanks for the insight. (She pauses as Patrick tells her something.) No, did I say that? I’m acknowledging the fact that you might be right, that’s all. I mean, if you wanted to come back, I couldn’t stop you. (She listens.) Yeah, fine, I’m asking you to come back. (She listens.) Because… because you’re useful to the team. (She listens) No! No, I won’t say ‘please’, go screw yourself! (She hangs up and slams her phone on her desk with rage.) Jackass.
(Patrick walks in behind her. She pretends not to have noticed him and ignores him. Grace walks up.)
Patrick: Good morning.
Grace: Can I help you?
Patrick: You must be Van Pelt. Pleasure, Patrick Jane.
Grace: Oh, hi! Good to meet you! Agent Cho said you left town.
Patrick: No. Nowhere to go.
(Teresa rolls her eyes.)
Grace: Okay. Uh… do you want that desk over there or this one? I mean, that one gets more light.
Patrick: That one. More light, by all means.
(She smiles and walks away. Patrick strides to Teresa’s desk.)
Patrick: Very pleasant addition to the serious crimes family.
(Teresa looks up from her desk, pretending to notice him for the first time.)
Teresa: Oh, hi, when did you get here?
The Mentalist Quote:
Grace: Uh, sorry.
Teresa: You checked luggage? What, are you on vacation?
Grace: No, ma'am. Won't do it again.
Teresa: When your trousseau arrives, pick up the second rental and go directly to the Sheriff's department. Hustle us up a couple rooms, furniture and phone lines.
Grace: Yes, ma'am.
Teresa: (to Cho and Rigsby) Come on. (Rigsby looks sympathetically at Grace.)
The Mentalist Quote:
Patrick: Morning, everybody. How was your flight?
Teresa: Go away, you're on suspension.
Patrick: Mandated leave. Ends next week.
Teresa: So come back next week.
Patrick; Hot enough for you?
Teresa: Which one of you jack-asses told him? It was you, wasn't it, Cho?
Cho: Yes, it was.
Patrick: Of course he called me. It's Red John. You can't keep me out of this. Why would you want to?
Teresa: You got a man killed. There's consequences.
Patrick: A man that murdered his daughter because she wouldn't have sex with him any more.
Teresa: You didn't know that! You did not know that! If she hadn't've left a diary...
Patrick: But she did, though. Be reasonable. This is my case.
Teresa: Your case.
Patrick: Red John is mine.
Teresa: Red John doesn't belong to anyone.
Patrick: He belongs to me.
Teresa: It's not my call. Rules are rules. Come back next week. (To the guard.) Don't let this man pass. (Her phone rings.) Boss...
(Inside, Patrick comes up and stands next to her.)
Patrick: Sorry I went over your head. I'll redeem myself, I promise.
Teresa: If you want redemption, be silent.
Patrick: Okay, I can remedy that.
Teresa: Shh. (to the ME, who they've interrupted) Sorry.
The Mentalist Quote:
(5 years earlier.)
Show host: So Patrick, I understand that you're also sort of a paranormal detective. Is that right?
Patrick: I try to help the police when I can.
Show host: And you're helping them hunt this scary serial killer, what's his name? Red John.
Patrick: That's right. Red John. He's killed at least 8 women, that we know of. The police asked me to try and get a psychic fix on him and see if I can get a sense of who this man is.
Show host: How do you do that exactly? Get a psychic fix on someone?
Patrick: Well, Davis, true demonic evil burns like fire. It burns with a terrible cold, dark flame. I force myself to look into that flame and I see an image of the evil-doer; in this case, Red John. He's an ugly, tormented little man; a lonely soul. Sad, very sad.
The Mentalist Quote:
Patrick: Did Tannin keep a diary? Our last case was solved because the victim kept a diary. (Teresa gets an irritated look on her face.)
The Mentalist Quote:
Cho: I like the husband for it. He hires some hooker he knows to create an alibi, flies home, filets the spouse, flies back again. It's a classic elaborate and clever, but ultimately stupid, plan.
Patrick: Have you looked at his PGA tournament record?
Cho: Not bad. 6 mill career earnings.
Patrick: For coming in second and third. You put him on the 18th tee with a big one on the line, like night follows day he'll shank it. He's a choker. He doesn't have the nerve to kill his wife. Didn't do it.
Teresa: Are you suggesting we drop a prime suspect because he's never won a major?
Patrick: Oh, no, no, no. I'm just making idle conversation
The Mentalist Quote:
Dr Wagner: Why is it you can't sleep?
Patrick: Because I can't get the good pills without talking to a doctor.
Dr Wagner: And you don't like talking to doctors.
Patrick: Well, you know. They always want to be the smartest person in the room, don't they? When in fact that's me, obviously.
The Mentalist Quote:
Patrick: Closed case doughnuts are here. (Everyone ignores him.) I just went to get sleeping pills, I swear to God. I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go.
Grace: Right.
Rigsby: Yeah, you didn't set Wagner up, didn't figure it was him days ago.
Cho: You didn't let us tear apart the victim's family simply to satisfy your childish need for drama.
Patrick: That family was screwed anyway. Don't blame yourselves, guys. (He looks at Teresa, who is ignoring him. He walks across to her.)
Teresa: Don't even start. I'm still angry.
Patrick: I'm sorry.
Teresa: No you're not. (He puts a paper frog on her desk.) A frog? Well, this makes everything better, doesn't it? (The frog jumps and makes her gasp and then smile. Patrick, who is walking away, also smiles.)
The Mentalist Quote:
Dr.Wagner: I knew it might be a trick, but I had to be sure.
Jane: Yes. That is how the trick works.
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